Blessings

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if one thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
-Laura Story "Blessings"

Sometimes I feel like I understand the meaning of this song all too well. I wake up in the mornings, lies in my face and a tear stained pillow from the exhausting, pain-filled day before. I think to myself: "Great. It's starting again. Just another day to get through, just another trial to hold on to God in, just more lies to overcome with truth."
And so it begins.
And I fight, and I fight, and I fight... and I'm tired. So I cry out to God for strength, energy, or really anything to just keep me going. Even though it's the same every time, the "aid" He gives me is never what I'm expecting. He gives me Himself - what I've had all along but failed to recognize. Isn't it funny that it takes an awful day for me to see the hand of God in my life? His presence, His comfort, and His soft whispers of love have always been there, and what had I been doing? "Living the life?!"

There is one very strong reason that I HATE trials, and that is that I have to be dependent on someone other than myself. It's quite possible that God puts different thorns in my flesh for that very reason. Because in my trials I learn something - I am so dependent on God! Sometimes it literally feels like I cannot breathe without His help. Can you imagine how close you would get to God if you knew that He was the One giving you your every breath? Pretty dang close! He gives me an intimate relationship with Himself, the Creator of the Universe. What more could I ask for? And yet I beg for my tears and my sleepless nights to go away forever. I never want to go through another difficult time in my life. In fact, I would be quite happy if I was able to live a carefree life with no troubles, singing la-ti-da all the day long. Maybe this is what Heaven will be like?? Never worrying, always laughing and joking, running around with joy! I hope so. Once in awhile my life actually is like this. It's great, really, in the moment. I'm strong and healthy, and I honestly cannot think of anything my heart desires that I don't already have.
But a midst all of the contentment and comfort I forget; I forget my Father in Heaven, who desperately desires my heart. I forget that my life is meant to be more than happy roses and beautiful rainbows. I forget that what I really need is the Lord.
And I realize something: Laura Story is right. For me, God's greatest blessings do come through raindrops, and I could not find Him without my tears. The Lord knows that I need seasons of discomfort in my life in order to find Him. I truly believe that God allows me and everyone else to go through the ickiness of life because for some reason we cannot grasp our need for Him without it. God desires our hearts more than anything, and even if it feels at times that our trials are unbearable, going through them is worth it! Closeness to God is the biggest blessing that we could ever ask for.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those that are called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28