Blessings

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if one thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
-Laura Story "Blessings"

Sometimes I feel like I understand the meaning of this song all too well. I wake up in the mornings, lies in my face and a tear stained pillow from the exhausting, pain-filled day before. I think to myself: "Great. It's starting again. Just another day to get through, just another trial to hold on to God in, just more lies to overcome with truth."
And so it begins.
And I fight, and I fight, and I fight... and I'm tired. So I cry out to God for strength, energy, or really anything to just keep me going. Even though it's the same every time, the "aid" He gives me is never what I'm expecting. He gives me Himself - what I've had all along but failed to recognize. Isn't it funny that it takes an awful day for me to see the hand of God in my life? His presence, His comfort, and His soft whispers of love have always been there, and what had I been doing? "Living the life?!"

There is one very strong reason that I HATE trials, and that is that I have to be dependent on someone other than myself. It's quite possible that God puts different thorns in my flesh for that very reason. Because in my trials I learn something - I am so dependent on God! Sometimes it literally feels like I cannot breathe without His help. Can you imagine how close you would get to God if you knew that He was the One giving you your every breath? Pretty dang close! He gives me an intimate relationship with Himself, the Creator of the Universe. What more could I ask for? And yet I beg for my tears and my sleepless nights to go away forever. I never want to go through another difficult time in my life. In fact, I would be quite happy if I was able to live a carefree life with no troubles, singing la-ti-da all the day long. Maybe this is what Heaven will be like?? Never worrying, always laughing and joking, running around with joy! I hope so. Once in awhile my life actually is like this. It's great, really, in the moment. I'm strong and healthy, and I honestly cannot think of anything my heart desires that I don't already have.
But a midst all of the contentment and comfort I forget; I forget my Father in Heaven, who desperately desires my heart. I forget that my life is meant to be more than happy roses and beautiful rainbows. I forget that what I really need is the Lord.
And I realize something: Laura Story is right. For me, God's greatest blessings do come through raindrops, and I could not find Him without my tears. The Lord knows that I need seasons of discomfort in my life in order to find Him. I truly believe that God allows me and everyone else to go through the ickiness of life because for some reason we cannot grasp our need for Him without it. God desires our hearts more than anything, and even if it feels at times that our trials are unbearable, going through them is worth it! Closeness to God is the biggest blessing that we could ever ask for.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those that are called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28

What Love is This?

I was listening to Pandora today at work and this song by Kari Jobe came on. The song really spoke to me, and I wanted to share it with you all so that it would hopefully speak to you as well. There are no pictures in this video; just words. As the words scroll across the page soak them in: "You stay the same when hope is just a distant thought. You take my pain, and you lead me to the cross. What love is this?"

Our God is Greater

Laying curled up in a ball on my bed, my head pounding and my eyes filled with pain, I plead with the only One who I know that can understand my suffering: "Lord, help me," and many times that's all I can say. I have no words of truth to speak, I can't muster the strength to fight against the lies keeping me down, and it seems as if I will stay on that bed forever. Unable to move or change or to be anything but this broken, out of order mess. I try to get up, but I'm already defeated in my mind. The weight of this world is pushing me down and there is no rest. I'm suffocating, I think I might be dying, and the One who calms my soul seems long gone. I am alone, and no one is coming to rescue me. 

And then my hubby whispers, "Come on honey, let's get up and do devotions." I slowly and grudgingly get up. I hate that he knows what's best for me! So I (finally) go out on the patio with my Bible and my devotional book, and I begin to pray a prayer that goes something like this, "Lord, help me understand Your word. Speak to me this morning. Grow me into a woman who is more like You." I start reading out of my first lesson from The Book of Hope, by Natalie Guthrie. (This is a brand new devotional to me and so far I love it! If you're in a dark, confused, or lost place, you should check it out)! Since it was my first day in the devotional book, I only read the introduction and the starter page for the week. However, I noticed that there was a verse to meditate on throughout the week listed at the bottom of the page. The verse came out of Psalm 34, and I decided to read the entire chapter that morning so I could understand the context a little better. The first time I read through the Psalm I realized something, (pay attention to the italics): 

"The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;

He delivers them from all their troubles.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The righteous person may have many troubles,

but the LORD delivers him from them all; 

He protects all his bones,

not one of them will be broken.

Evil will slay the wicked;

the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

The LORD will rescue His servants;

no one who takes refuge in Him will be condemned." (Psalm 34: 18-21)

Was this passage really saying what I thought it was saying? Was there really hope for my broken heart? Was God really still fighting for me? Could He really defeat this? Yes. He could, and He will. Time will tell how and when, but one thing is for sure: there is no problem that is too big for God to take care of. There is no issue that He cannot resolve. There is nothing that He is unable to rescue me from.

When you've lost hope, read this Psalm and embrace the truth. Our God is greater!